Saturday Night Something: Listening to Barbie's Story

I've just been listening to my five-year old "read" me a Barbie book. She's not even officially a kindergartener, yet, so her "reading" is only figurative.

As she read, I wondered what kind of lady my little sweetheart would grow into. What kind of life will she lead? Will it be a difficult one? Will it be rewarding for her? What kind of obstacles will she face? Will dad and mom prepare her to face them with courage?

Given the state of the world, her growing up is a scary thought. It would be nice if I could keep both of my children under my wing forever, but that wouldn't prepare them for anything.

Where do these thoughts come from? Is it my own fear based on experience?

I should have just enjoyed watching and listening to her, you know, stay in the moment and all that. I can do it as often as not, but there are times, like this Saturday night, that something prevents me from simply enjoying a sweet little voice and the most amazing stories I've ever heard.

Top 5 Ways to Bring Back that Manly Feeling

I can't speak for women, but as a man, I love having the feeling that I can conquer the world. Good things happen when I have that feeling. There are things, however, that suck it right out of me like a Dyson bagless upright vacuum cleaner on bread crumbs. Good things typically don't happen when that takes place.

I've found there are ways to push through those times, remain productive, keep from yelling at the kids, and begin what is a relatively quick climb back to the top. Here are my top-5 ways to get. it. done.

1 - Strength from Above

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 (Holy Bible, English Standard Version)

The best way for me to re-orient myself is to look to the heavens. As a Christian, when trouble comes a knockin', I find strength in God. I must admit, I don't always look to Him first. I often begin with trying to find my own way out, which is usually the path of least resistance and/or generally ineffective. In my case, that method compounds the problem and prolongs the agony.

When I look to Him first, even if it's simply to find some much needed strength and encouragement, as the verse above provides, I know I am setting my feet on firm ground. From that sound footing, it's harder to make the next step the wrong one.

2 - Keep Calm and Carry On

That phrase is turning up on posters and t-shirts everywhere and there's a risk of it being cliche. But, think about it, once something makes it to widespread t-shirt distribution, there must be something to it's popularity.

In this case, there's something substantive there.

As men, husbands, and fathers, I don't believe we'll ever shake the feeling that we're in control of everything. We have the perception we're ultimately the responsible party. It's a DNA-level component. The downside to that is when something goes awry, no matter how strong we believe ourselves to be, we feel like we've somehow failed our family and ourselves. (Hear the vacuum cleaner?)

In my own case, I find it's easy to make rash decisions that appear to provide a quick fix and set things right forthwith. The problem with my band-aid fixes is that they leave the larger problem looming.

When I remain calm, get past the notion of being a failure, and face the problem head-on, I'm better equipped to address it correctly. I get a better picture of it, usually find it's manageable. and have a clearer idea of how to get rid of the thing.

3 - Seek Wise Counsel

There's no more wise counsel than God, as discussed above, but, if you're married, a close second is your wife. Wives have the same insecurities as husbands, though she may express them differently. They also enjoy the times when the world is right. Having those things in common, plus the other tiny matter of a shared life, there's no person better equipped to help you through most things.

A trusted friend can also provide valuable insight. Whether a peer or a mentor, confiding in and seeking advice from a close male friend can be a game-changer. Your friend may have dealt with the same problem you face and you can either learn from his mistake or success. Plus, a friend will understand the feelings you are having, because chances are he's had those same feelings.

Yes, men, we are talking about the "f-word," feelings. You have them, so live with them.

4 - Look Around You. Enjoy.

It's hard to see all the good, when you feel like the bad is dealing you repeated blows to the head like Ali and Tyson in their prime. Be assured, the good is always there; from the clothes you're wearing, to the children who are continually saying "Daddy, watch this!" I get a quick return to center when I look around and realize the good things for what they are.

5 - Remember, You're Good!

I'm running the risk of sounding like Al Franken playing Stuart Smalley on SNL, but you're good. Not in the sense of "Doggonit, people like me!," but rather the notion that you're a good man. If you're facing a time that has drained your spirit and you're trying muster the strength to find the right way through, you're a good man.

The key word there is "trying."

If you're seeking the right counsel, keeping "...your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you..." (Rudyard Kipling, If), finding the joy in your life, all in pursuit of a good life for yourself and your family, you're a good man. And, that's about the best any man can hope for.

These are all things that have worked for me. They won't stop the blows from coming, but they're the best things I've found to bring me back to feeling like a successful man, husband, and father.

I know some of you have your own methods and we all want, no, NEED to hear new ideas about dealing with life's storms. Let us know in the comments.

Image courtesy paddynapper.

Disney-Pixar's Brave: King Fergus the Man's Man

I don't think this post is a 'Brave' spoiler, because I'm not revealing any plot twist or the ending, but I do focus on the virtues of at least one character, King Fergus. So, if you haven't seen it and don't want to take a chance, come back after you've seen the movie. Here we go...

After a few minutes of Disney Pixar's 'Brave,' I had arrived at the notion that King Fergus was another in a long line of movie or TV dads that simply don't measure up to what a real dad is. As I continued watching, the good king proved to himself to be a great father and man.

Bravely Waiting

My entire family had been waiting impatiently for weeks for the release of Disney Pixar's Brave. A camping trip prevented us from seeing it on opening night, but we were there on Saturday evening, tubs of buttered popcorn and candy in hand.

I'm as big a kid as my children, in some ways, so I didn't need to be dragged to the cinema. In fact, I was at the bottom of the stairs imploring my house full of girls to "Come on! Let's go!" The combination of a new Disney film and one that promised to be uplifting and encouraging for my daughters was just the tonic I needed.

After a few scenes, the bigger-than-life father of Merida, King Fergus, appeared to be turning into a bumbling, warring, overgrown child that we so often see on the screen. After a few moments of thinking my hopes for a movie that touted the virtues of every member of the family were gone, I forced myself to revert back to enjoying the movie and watching my girls being enthralled by it.

I must say that my five-year old was scared by some of the intense scenes, but she seems to be none the worse and enjoyed the movie. Both girls asked to go to Target after the movie and immediately get Merida dolls. I relented.

Good King Fergus

Near mid-way into the movie, Good King Fergus began to redeem himself. Sure, he's no public speaker, not many people are, but he had demonstrated some manly leadership qualities. In the end, I found that he was a loving father and husband, he related to his children, he was respected (mostly) by the clans, he served his people well, and he loved and protected his family. Not much more can be expected from a father or mother. After all, good Queen Elinor possessed those same qualities.

The movie didn't explore whether King Fergus and Queen Elinor were people of faith, but, in all honesty, I would have been shocked if it had. As a Christian, I would've loved to have seen that facet added to their makeup, but I understand why it wasn't.

We don't know much about the triplets, Harris, Hubert and Hamish, but Merida is an independent young lady guided by two loving parents. There's a lot wrapped up in that word, "loving," and from a parent's point of view, this movie provided an example of the sort of loving family we want to see more of.

I'll leave the plot twists and in-depth critiquing to others. Suffice it to say, from a dad's perspective, this is a movie you don't want to miss.
Yes, King Fergus is a man's man. The way he lives his life fits well with my definition. He isn't distant figure removed from responsibilities of the family, or a childlike fool being led by the nose. He's involved, he's responsibile, fun-loving, and strong. Great example for kids to witness.
Let us know what you thought of the movie and whether you think I'm on target or totally off-base in the comments.

Things I'll Miss: Uncontrollable Excitement and the SHUEI

One of the many nice surprises I discovered on becoming a father was the joy I get when seeing my children smile. Children's smiles give parents, for at least a fleeting moment, the knowledge that the kids are happy and they must be doing something right.

If you're a parent, you've seen at least three different smiles. There's the "smile for the picture" smile, which is nice. Then the "Yay, pizza for dinner" smile. But, there's also the "Smile with Happiness, Uncontrolled Excitement and Interaction," or the SHUEI. The SHUEI (pronounced shoe-e, or schway, if you prefer) is usually accompanied by never before seen hand, arm, leg and body motions. Often, shrieks, laughter, running, yelling, jumping, hugging, and squatting are prevalent. Without supervision, injuries can occur. That's the biggest, best and most genuine smile. It comes from deep within.

My nine-year old still has a strong SHUEI and my five-year old is quite good at it. The sad thing is, you don't see many teenagers implementing the SHUEI. I can't remember the last time I had a good ol' SHUEI. Before it becomes a thing of the past, I have to get it on video.

I will miss it.

Healthy Fatherlyhood: Tough Mudder Edition

Some of my thoughts during a running incident last week:

Man, my calf is tight, a little achy. It'll be fine.
My average per mile time is creeping up, better speed up a little bi---POW!
Who shot me in the calf?!

Since my children came along, and as I advance toward advancing in age, maintaining my health has been at the forefront, and sometimes slipping back toward the middle, of my mind. After all, I was 35 and 39 when my daughters were born and, if I want to be around for the milestones in their life, and have the energy to keep up with them now, I need to take care of myself physically.

Over the past few years, I've tried to run, even ran some 5k races, workout and eat like a normal human being should. Nothing too drastic or difficult. Recently, however, I heard of a Tough Mudder race/challenge coming to my state in a few months.

The Accidental Mudder

Tough Mudder competitions are 10 to 12 miles in length and contain 25 or so difficult obstacles along the way. The TM races and obstacles were designed by British Special Forces. Here's a short Tough Mudder clip:

They're set up to be ideal for teams, because it would be tough to get through the obstacles without assistance. I thought it looked very cool and before contemplating the significant distance and overall physical challenge, I found myself posting about the overwhelming coolness on Facebook.

Ha! Turns out I had a friend that was putting together a team and needed a few good men. So, I agreed. I went from leisurely maintenance of my physical condition to telling myself, "Boy, you gotta step it up a few notches." I did so.

For the past eight weeks, I've been doing a workout program that kicks my butt on a daily basis and I've been running in earnest at least three days per week. I hated it in the beginning, but as the days passed I began to look forward to the workouts and runs.

Here's an aside - None of the guys on my team have any experience with this type of competition. Most are, however, half-marathoners and triathletes. In other words, the antithesis of me. Just so you know.

Until last week, I was seeing and feeling the progress. I could do more chinups (I started with two, max), my average pace was improving on runs, and my legs were noticeably stronger. I was feeling good about my progress, albeit far from where it needs to be.

Gunshot to the Calf

Not a real gunshot, but it felt like what I imagine a gunshot would be. When I asked my body for more, it answered with an emphatic "No." When I tried to speed up during a run, I strained my calf. I've been out of action now for over a week. Such things didn't happen in years past; when I asked, my body said, "Sure, whatever." One thing I had left out of my training, as I have been for my entire life, was stretching. Funny how the body likes to reveal things you should've seen.

What I've learned, aside from my need for more flexibility, is that fitness can become a habit. All it took was the realization that I absolutely had to train more heavily to keep up with my teammates in the Tough Mudder. I have kept up my training regemin long enough to see results, which fueled my desire to keep going.

After this injury heals, I'm back on the trail.

Possibly the best thing about my training and the race is that my daughters have taken part in my workouts. Sure, their workout quickly turns into dancing and improvised exercises, but they like seeing daddy get fit and I enjoy watching them act silly. That alone is enough to make daddy get and stay healthy.

Being in shape won't ensure I'm around to see my grandchildren, but it's one of the few things I can do to help.

Am I an idiot for running a Tough Mudder race? Have you ever done one? I'd like to hear you're responses on being healthy, and whether I'm an idiot. Leave a comment.

One more thing. A portion of everything earned by Tough Mudder races goes to The Wounded Warrior Project. To date, they've given over $3 million.

Lightning McQueen, Route 66 and Inspiration

Does the Interstate Highway System epitomize the speed of American life? In our daily lives, we travel in so many directions at record speeds, just like the Interstates. So, yes, it does. 

I've arrived at the notion that Lightning McQueen shows us the way to get off the freeway of life and back to our hearts and souls.

For the uninitiated, Lightning McQueen is the main "car-achter" from the Disney Cars movies. Cars, apart from being a great kids movie (Cars II was good, too), has had an impact on me. Yes, yes, a kids movie has caused me some introspection. I'm fine with that.

Winning the Cup (or Supassing the Joneses) 

We have our children that crave only our time and attention - well, food and toys, too, but given the choice, they'd choose us. I love my children. I love the full-speed running hugs when I come home from work, and the remarkably faster crying, running hugs when there's a boo-boo I need to make better.

Yet, I, for one, often stay glued to my social media accounts, some article or blog post I'm writing (like now), my work, the lawn, or the darn dog who had just made a mess on the deck.  I try to earn more, learn more, go more places, get more stuff, and simply keep up with all that needs to be kept up with, and, yes, one eye is on the Jones family.

Lightning McQueen was on his way cross-country to the biggest race of his life (he's a race car, in the Nascar sense). A win and his life would be filled with all the adulation, fame and fortune that comes with being the Piston Cup Champion. Unfortunately, his plans were altered a bit when he accidentally slipped out the back of his transport trailer along Route 66, unbeknownst to his friend Mack, the transport truck. Mack Drove on, Lightning was left behind. 

He ended up in a small town, Radiator Springs, in what appears to be America's Desert Southwest. The town, formerly a bustling, thriving stop along the Mother Road, is no longer even noted on a map (because of, as alluded to in the movie, the Interstate Highway System). After days of trying to escape - yes, he had some jail time and work release - he began to warm to the people, surroundings and pace of life in the little town that seemed locked in the 1950s.

He developed friendships, relationships, love, and a sense of belonging.

Who Needs Anything More than Family Time?

Lightning's inner journey revived a long held desire of mine, which began even before my kids came along, to simply hit the road westward from Kentucky and explore our vast American interior. With my own family now, such a trip seems imperative.

We don't need to go away for weeks, maybe a few days. We could head west and stop in Metropolis, Illinois to see the Superman Museum and the statue of Big John carrying grocery sacks (don't know the backstory, but it looks cool). We could visit the worlds largest ketchup bottle in Collinsville, IL, or the Titianic Museum in Branson, MO. We could picnic along the way, camp in a park. We could do all those things and tons more in a short time on the road, together.  

I don't hold any misconception that it would all be sunshine, smiles, and cotton candy. There would be the inevitable arguments over which movie to watch in the car, who's had the iPad longer, and other examples of sisterly love. There may even be instances of motherly and fatherly love. But, those are all soon forgotten. What will ever be remembered are all the "moments" we will share, different memories for each of us, and the time we spent on the road trip. 

Lightning McQueen reluctantly received some precious gifts. His transformation ignited inspiration in me. Inspiration to get back to where I belong. Inspiration to balance my life; put the electronics, envy and time wasters in their proper place, feel pity for the Joneses and pray for them, and give due time to the most precious gifts under the canopy of heaven. 

What are your thoughts? What things are inspirational to you as a dad/mom/grandfather/grandmother/etc? Have you already seen the benefit of conquering the things that take us away from family? Whatever your thoughts, leave a comment.

Lightning McQueen photo courtesy Iain Farrell.

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5 Things I'll Tell My Dad on Father's Day

Unlike me, you shouldn't wait until Father's Day to tell your dad a few things. You see, my father passed away a few months ago. I'll be telling him things this Father's Day, just like I do everyday, because I talk to him more now than when we could speak face-to-face.

Men, in general, don't air out their thoughts and feelings. I'm one that fit into that "general" category, especially when it came to conversations with my dad. I often opted for the non-verbal, or semi-verbal, cues, never really expressing anything meaningful.

Now that dad is gone, I see how woefully inadequate my approach was. I don't know whether telling him a few things like the ones below would have made things better, worse, or somewhere in between, relative to each thing. I have a suspicion that, regardless of the outcome, both myself and my father would have been closer for it, in the end.

The #1 thing on my Top-5 list is "I love you," but I'm not going to list it, because my dad made sure we always told each other that. I'll go with numbers 2 through 6 on the top-5, so consider #1 a bonus. Here goes:

2. Thank you - Thank you for doing the best job and being the best father you could possibly be. Even when we had our problems and life was terribly difficult, I always felt what you told me was the rock-solid truth. I can't imagine a better thing than that type of confidence. Also, thank you for showing me how to be a dad.

3. I'm sorry - I'm sorry for being the kid that thought he was better than others, though you taught me otherwise. I'm sorry for the lazy teenage years. I'm sorry for all the years as an adult that I didn't come around often enough to just talk and to let you see your granddaughters more often. They have a teddy bear they've named "Grandpa Bear," which looks remarkably like you, that they hug and kiss goodnight, every night.

4. I forgive you - I only say this because I know you felt badly about some things and I wasted a lot of years not forgiving you. We all do the best we can at any given moment, so looking back at the tough times, and being a father now, with all the stresses and strains of fatherhood and manhood, I see how difficult things were for you. I only wish I could have seen it all sooner and let you know that I understood.

5. I miss you - We all knew the time was approaching when you wouldn't be around, but nothing could have prepared me for losing you. I know, beyond all doubt, that we'll be together again, but your absence has been something I never expected. My earthly guiding hand is no longer there.

6. You've left a lasting legacy - In the later years of your life, you weren't able to do the things you had hoped and felt like what you were leaving behind for us wasn't enough. To the contrary, in your later years, you provided us with a picture of what a real man can be: strong, happy, a blessing to others, loving and faithful, even in the midst of illness. All the things that made up your life will be maximized and passed on to your grandchildren and the world, which will all be better for it, I'll see to that.

There you have it, my top-6. I hope you'll take this list, add and remove things as they fit your situation, and go tell your dad everything.

I think I'll take this post to my father on Father's Day and read it to him. It's the best I can do, now.

We'd all like to hear at least one thing, maybe even your top-five (or 20) list of things you'll say to your dad BEFORE Father's Day. Let us know in the comments.

Coming Soon...Fatherlyhood.com

Although Fatherlyhood.com, my own, self-hosted, blog, will be live soon, it won't be ready by Father's Day. Since I have a Father's Day post that I don't want to keep until next year, I created this little spot on the web. Enjoy, and remember Fatherlyhood.com will enter the blogosphere in the coming weeks! My Father's Day post will be up in just a bit.